Jack of Hearts
by PinkStarz
Summary: On Selphie's daily routine of annoying Squall, the two of them stumble on a secret relationship between two people that they never would have thought to see together. Now their goal is to use this valuable piece of information to their own gain.
1. Someone's in Garden with Quisty...

Jack of Hearts

(Disclaimer: Aww...I don't own FF8, but I'm working on it...)

***

__

A Selphie and Squall Mystery...no, make that framing. Uhm...change that to 'A Selphie and Squall Blackmailing Heist'. Much better!

***

(a/n: Heeeeey all! It's me! No, don't scream and run away! Well, I'm just here to tell you that this is not a serious fic! Well, some parts are, but mainly I'm making fun of Selphie and Squall, who are _so _ fun to make fun of! )

***

'_The date is unknown. The time is unknown. The whereabouts is unknown. The only thing we know is that--'_

" Booo-ring!" Selphie announced as she clicked off the radio. " Let's have some fun!"

" ...whatever," Squall muttered, wanting the overly sugared girl to be away from him. Lazily he looked up to his dorm room wall, then cursed himself for not noticing the time. 

Five in the afternoon, when the sun lay smugly in the sky, casting golden hues across the plains of Balamb. That was when she came. Peppery, ten times worse then Rinoa and always wanting Squall to engage in social activity, it surprised him that she was SeeD.

I could always fire her if I ever become Headmaster, he had told himself. But inside he knew he would never do such a thing. So many people were close with this terror from Trabia, they would be enraged if he did such a thing. Besides, she was valuable in the battle field. To an extent.

__

"What do you want from me?" He asked in his usual drone tone. " I have a busy schedule."

She laughed at him, then playfully smacked him on the back. The pain from her abusing made him wonder where she obtained her freakish strength from.

" You need to come with me for an adventure!" At the end of her sentence, her eyes widened and she clapped her palms together in excitement. Squall was just confused.

" You know, where we go out and try to do something fun?"

The blank look remained.

" You do know what fun is, don't you?"

This time he coughed and looked around. Selphie let out a long drawn sigh.

" Oh forget it! Just come upstairs with me, I need someone to help me take some text books down to the library."

" What kind of text books?"

" Oh, _now_ you're interested!"

So off they went, out of the dorm rooms, into the elevator and upstairs to the second floor.

" The new Battle Technique instructor doesn't want to use the same text books that Quistis recommended," Selphie explained along the way. " He said that they were too outdated and not efficient enough."

" There's a new BT instructor?" Squall asked, his voice carrying the smallest hint of surprise.

" Yeah, I'm not sure who he is, but Cid was acting really odd when I was talking to him about it. He will be teaching the same type of classes as Quistis did, the only difference is that he will be teaching beginners and intermediates only. Oh, oh, but I do know who _may_ be teaching the experts!" She grinned, and just that moment they had reached room 205. Squall personally couldn't care less and ignored her radiating glee.

" We have to get these textbooks in to the library," He said, walking into the classroom. Crashing into the door, he rubbed his nose and glared. Usually the door opened on its own, it was rare that it would not work. Placing his hand on the door, he pushed. The door didn't budge.

" It's locked," He announced. " Do you have the key?"

Finally her smiling face fell and she began to throw her body weight against the door. When she was convinced it was locked, she sighed and informed Squall that the key would be most likely with the new instructor. 

Their journey took them another flight up, to where they met with Headmaster Cid.

" I'm sorry, but I don't feel that it's right for me to disclose the new Instructor's personal information so quickly, " He said, rubbing his temple with one hand and writing slowly with the other.

" A hangover," Selphie whispered to Squall.

" I knew that," He whispered back.

" Excuse me?"

They flashed fake smiles at their beloved Headmaster, then Selphie whispered for Squall to leave. He gave her a puzzled and somewhat aggravated look, but left anyway. 

In a few moments time, Selphie walked out of the office, dangling a pair of keys.

" Oh Hyne, you didn't do what I think you did..." Squall asked, horrified beyond belief. Selphie's expression matched his and she stomped on his foot harshly.

" You idiot. I might as well tell you that I was offered the job of teaching the experienced students."

" You mean to tell me that _you're _ the other BT teacher?" Squall asked, his eyes narrowed -in confusion or suspicion, Selphie doubted she would ever know.

" Yeah, I decided to take it."

" I don't understand." Squall stopped and folded his arms. " Why would you take the job now? I doubt that textbooks are that important to you."

" Certain reasons convinced me," She said slyly. When it was clear that she was not going to tell, Squall decided to use a weapon of his own that always worked in making people reveal what he wanted to know.

"...whatever."

" Well, if you're going to persist like that I might as well tell you that I have a suspicion that Quistis is in that classroom right now with Irvine and that's why I got the keys, because if he's cheating on me with that blonde, then, then--"

" Calm down," Squall commanded, cutting her off and allowing her time to gulp in oxygen so that the gas would reach her brain. " But now that you mention it, Quistis has been acting strange lately.

~Flashback -One Week Ago~

Squall is sitting with Rinoa, discussing something other then curtains for a change when Quistis walks by hastily, failing to greet them in her usual friendly style. She is walking so fast that she collides with the edge of their table, and quickly gets up with her face flushed crimson.

" It's okay, Quisty," Rinoa says. " You must be hurt, why don't you sit down for a moment?"

" I...I can't," She stutters in reply. " There's a lesson on gunblades that I need to finish...and...and I would hate to waste the night."

Before Rinoa could grab hold to Quistis and force her to join their conversation, she was gone.

~Present day -Whenever that is!~

" Yeah, the strange this is that she isn't even an instructor anymore," Squall said, concluding his memory.

" What does this have to do with Irvine?" Selphie asked.

" I dunno. What _does _ this have to do with Irvine?"

" Well..."

~Flashback -Three Days Ago~

Selphie and Irvine are sitting in the cafeteria once more, and Irvine seems to be sulking about something.

" What's wrong?" His girlfriend asks, being caring and nosy at the same time. He lifts his head the table and waves a dismissive hand.

" Nothing, it's just that Quisty blew me off again, for the tenth time, " He complains. " We were supposed to go to Galbadia together."

Selphie's face turns a shade of red, and she narrows her eyes.

" Why didn't you ask me?" She whines. " Why Quisty?"

" I go everywhere with you, sugar plum." He places his hand on hers and she snatches hers away. Irvine finally realizes what Selphie is making of the situation. " No, no, no!" He says frantically, then begins to rack his brain for a logical explanation. His eyes light up when he obtains it. " Quisty and I just want to see Galbadia as friends. She said that she needed to see something in Dollet, so naturally, I suggested that it would be better if we went together. After all, you go places with Zell all the time."

Her frown remains, but she nods her head. She would get to the bottom of this.

~Present Day -I still don't know when~

" So you think he's cheating on you because he's going with Quistis to Galbadia?" Squall asked in an exasperated tone. " You idiot, he's going with her to Dollet so that she can help him pick out an engagement ring for you!"

Half a second after the words left his mouth, Squall groaned, realizing what he had done. 

" SQUALL!" Selphie shrieked. " You ruined the surprise!"

" ...whatever."

Selphie sighed, feeling both overwhelmed by that prospect that Irvine was going to ask her to marry him, and that now the moment was going to be less special that it was supposed to be. Now she had to find a way to get back at Squall for ruining the most important moment in her life.

" Hey, if Quistis is not having an affair with Irvine, then what is wrong with her?" Squall asked, breaking into Selphie's thoughts. Selphie flashed him a dirty look and was about to give him an earful, he had ruined her engagement after all, when she recognized that Squall had asked a question that had nothing to do with Garden, SeeD or Rinoa.

" That is a good question..." She said after brewing for a while in her thoughts. Curiosity overcame her need for Squall's blood to be shed; she had to know who Quistis' mystery man was. " Squall, let's go." 

She grabbed the man harshly by the elbow and began to drag him, lightening speed, towards room 205. Once there, she eagerly pulled out the keys from the pocket in her yellow sundress and began to search through to see which key was formatted for the door.

" This is wrong, so very, very wrong," Squall said, but by his tone, he really couldn't care less. " I command you to halt."

Selphie stopped fiddling with the lock -she had found the key- and glowered at her companion. An engulfing silence passed over them, then Squall shrugged.

" ...whatever," He voiced. Selphie just smiled and continued her work. About five minutes later, she began to feel fed up. The key fit perfectly into the small key hole, but the door did not budge.

" Whomever is in there must have it on the type of electronic lock that only opens from the inside," She said, then kicked the door. The steel hurt her toe and she began to hop around like some deranged rabbit on one foot, cradling her other in her hands.

Squall sighed, beginning to become bored. He checked his watch and noticed it was time for his daily nap -Squall only had three priorities in life, one was eating, the other was sleeping and lastly was SeeD. But he knew that his small friend would not let him go until she found out Quistis's secret. He was slightly curious himself. Slightly.

Deciding that his naptime was too valuable to waste, he began to check around the wall that surrounded the classroom from the outside. In the corner, behind a newly installed awards shelf, he could see what seemed like a door. Shoving the shelf aside, he was puzzled to why this door was blocked by a shelf, and why he had not noticed it before.

" Ooooh, I thought Garden got rid of all wooden doors." 

Selphie poked her head over Squall's shoulder, then pushed him. She began to test every key in the rusted hole until both of them heard the 'click' of the latch opening. 

Neither of them uttered a word or sound as they cautiously opened the door and looked to where it led. The room was familiar, it was the one they had been trying to enter before. Room 205. Two pairs of eyes took in the sights, but for some reason they were weary to go in. This was for good reason.

Selphie and Squall both saw it at the same time. Far in the corner of the classroom. Selphie was about to scream but Squall quickly clamped his hand over her mouth just in time, muffling her cry. He shut his eyes quickly, backed out of the room and shut the door. Then he prayed for someone to gouge out his eyes while Selphie continued screaming 'no, no, no!'.

(a/n: wowwie, guys! So...should I continue or burn it? Don't you wanna know what's going to happen next? What did they see that was so horrifying? Remember, this is HUMOUR so flame me and die! Make me happy and review...since I'm sick I can't go to the concert that I almost died to get tickets for! *cries*)


	2. Squall's Ingenious Plan

(a/n: *Looks at the reviews* Aww, thanks guys! This makes me feel way better...although it doesn't change me having to miss seeing Aftab *Hindi concert*. Oh well, a good part about being sick is getting to play FFIX as long as I want *I already got to Disc Four in four days...eh, I need something better to do with my time...oh well, I love Zidane! He's like a more happy Squall whose face got smushed!* Sorry it took so long for me to upload this chapter! But thanks again for the reviews! *puts away her lighter* Now I'm not going to burn it! Oh, and someone asked why no one had noticed the door before --well, there's a very good explanation for that...you see, I made it that people in Garden are very stupid, so stupid that they would never notice a door. It's actually happened before; in my school I never noticed this door existed until a few days ago...o.O....Uhh...maybe I'm the weird one...)

***

Part Two: Squall's Ingenious Plan

" My eyes, my eyes!" Selphie cried out, rubbing her lids furiously with the back of her hand.

" It's not that bad," Squall said, but inwardly, he was scarred. Whoever would have thought that...that..._they_ would be making out on top of the instructor's desk? They were the complete opposite of one another, and besides that, it was just wrong.

" So, what do we do?" Selphie asked, calmed down slightly. She was still shuddering and her face was paler then usual. " I mean, you saw what I saw, right?"

Squall took in a deep breath and nodded.

" Oh yeah."

They were silent for a moment until Selphie's eyes widened.

" I have an idea!"

" Oh no." Squall looked around for an escape and, thank Hyne, found the emergency exit. Sure, he would go flying out of Garden and into the ocean where he would most likely die, but anything was better then to go along with one of Selphie's plans. He had placed his hand over the hatch, but not as discreetly as he had hoped to be. His friend saw what he intended to do, so she kicked him in the shin.

" Try that again and I'll kick you somewhere much more better," She threatened. " Now, you remain on the floor and I'll tell you my plan. We saw them together, right? No one knows about it, right? Nod, dammit!"

She tapped her foot menacingly on the floor and Squall managed a slight bob of his head. Hyne, what her boots were made out of, he didn't want to know.

" Okay, so all we have to do is simple! Confront them and tell them that we know about their little secret. Knowing them, they'll do anything to keep their relationship unknown. Are you listening? They'll do anything!"

" Ugh...you are an evil person," Squall said, slowly getting up from the floor. " I'm not having anything to do with this."

" C'mon...I mean, it _is _Seifer. He was the one, shoving his tongue down her--"

" Oh god, please don't remind me," Squall said, cutting her off. " I'm trying to get that picture out of my head."

Suddenly, a small chime echoed through the halls and Cid's voice filled their ears.

_" I would like to take the opportunity to welcome our new Battle Technique Instructors to Garden. The Instructor for experts will be Miss. Selphie Timlett, a once student from Trabia but now a valuable SeeD to Garden. And our beginners and intermediate Instructor will be Mr. Seifer Almasy, a long time student in Balamb Garden. Please feel free to ask them any questions if you encounter them in the halls. That will be all."_

Selphie and Squall looked at one another in astonishment, mouths agape. Of course, Selphie was the one to screech,

" Oh my Hyne, Seifer?!" She began to jump up and down in a frenzy, continuing until Squall 

told her that he agreed with her plan. Unfortunately that caused her to jump up and down for a completely different reason. " You agree with me? Oh my Hyne!"

" Yes, now stop jumping or I'll leave."

She stopped and to Squall's amazement, she was still vibrating from jumping so much. He sighed, wishing that someone else would have been with him when he saw that felony. But no, as always, Hyne was playing a cruel joke on him and had placed him with Miss. Merry Sunshine Who Casts Haste on Herself Constantly. Well, he might as well suck it up as he did with everything else and tell her his plan; a good thing about Selphie was that she wouldn't turn down any suggestions someone had, no matter what it was.

He motioned for her to follow him so that they were on the deck outside where no one would be able to hear them.

" Listen, what we need is something laid out; if I know them as well as I think I do, they will try to deny being seen together, so we need an action that will trick them into revealing their relationship. That way, they know that we know and we can use that information towards our own advantage. But how..." He thought hard for a moment, and one would have thought that his eyes lit up for a second...but then again this was Squall, who was already considered anything but human. " I have just the idea..."

***

They had arranged for the couple to meet them in the infamous Room 205, telling them that there was important matter to be discussed. Of course they believed Squall, he was commander after all, and were waiting obediently when Squall and Selphie had arrived.

" So, where's the fire?" Seifer asked in his harsh tone. He cast a dirty look in Selphie's direction and she stuck her tongue out at him in response.

" No fire...Squall and I just wanted to talk to you guys..." said the petite girl, bouncing lightly on her heels. 

" But Selphie, I just talked to you this morning!" Quistis protested. " Remember, you called me to come here and then talked for three hours about how Squall is such a--"

" Oh, yes..._that._ How about we never mention that again?" She turned to Seifer. " But I never get to talk to you! You even said yourself that you wished you got the chance to know me!"

" I was trying to mess with your mind," He said, rolling his eyes and letting out an exasperated sigh.

" Oh...well then...uhm..." She had to think of something quickly. Glancing at Squall, she decided that he was going to be a last resort, so that meant she was on her own. 

" You like blondes, don't you?" She asked Seifer. He frowned, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms like some bouncer scrutinizing an scrawny man who appeared far from his stated age. 

" What does that have to do with anything?"

" No-nothing! I just thought that you might have had a girlfriend by now." She smiled sweetly at Quistis and winked at Seifer, nudging him slightly. " A _blonde _girlfriend."

He wrinkled his nose and edged a few steps away from the cheery one.

" No."

_Okay, one word answers, not good. Maybe it's time to try Quistis..._

" Hey, Quisty," Selphie said in a sing song tone. " You've said that Seifer was one of your favourite students."

" Uh...yes, I have," Quistis said after a small pause. She seemed to be thinking hard about her answer and Selphie could see her eyes moving frantically from one spot to another. 

_Yesss! If Seifer won't fall, Quistis defiantly will!_

" But..."

_Oh no, not the 'but'!_

"...Squall was also a favourite student of mine. I've always felt that the two of them held a challenge for me, and I intended to be the only instructor who could reach them. Also, they were childhood friends of mine; I had grown up with them. Even though I had not known this fact when I was still teaching them, I still felt a connection that drew me close to the pair. I suppose that if you or Zell were in my class as well, I would feel the same way."

" Damn," Selphie hissed, hating how Quistis always managed to talk herself out of anything.

" What was that?"

" Nothing!" Selphie's smile was so wide she feared that her face would crack. The room became silent once more; only the sounds of Seifer's foot tapping against the tile floor could be heard.

" Why am I here again?" Seifer muttered, his voice echoing throughout the classroom. " And why is Puberty Boy so quiet if he's not going to say anything?"

" ...Whatever." That had to be first word that Squall had uttered since they had all met in the room. Selphie began to bounce higher on her heels in agitation and then she couldn't take it any longer. 

" We know," Selphie finally said and cast a side look at her friend that meant, 'Sorry!'. It wasn't her fault, really. It was entirely Squall's; if he hadn't said 'whatever', perhaps she would have been able to say something else instead of admitting what they knew.

" About what?" Seifer failed to appear shocked, much to their dismay; he was as calm as ever, still frowning at how his time was being wasted. Selphie glanced at Quistis who was looking at the floor and fiddling with her leather belt. This caused Selphie to smile; Quistis always did that when she was nervous. Maybe if she continued with her cross examination, they would just admit to being involved with one another thus Selphie would not have to resort to...plan B.

" Squall and I saw you guys yesterday in this room. Together! Frenching! On the desk!"

A small blush tinted Quistis's cheeks and she stole a glimpse at Seifer before clearing her throat and stepping forward from the wall she was leaning against, quite far from Seifer actually.

" I'm sorry Selphie, but you must have been mistaken. Everyone knows that I went to Balamb City yesterday," She said.

" Yeah right. We know it was you! Right Squall?"

He nodded, but said nothing, which was beginning to drive Selphie insane. It was as if he was going to make her do all the work, and then share the profits.

" And Squall does not lie," Selphie concluded, giving a smug smile. 

" Selphie--"

" Let me handle this," Seifer interjected, walking up to the small girl. He folded his arms and leered at her. " Listen here, Messenger Girl. You have no proof that Instructor Trepe and I were here together yesterday doing those acts that you accused us of. Without hard evidence, you have no case. Now get lost."

" Oh no," Selphie thought to herself. This was exactly what she was afraid would happen. If she looked behind her, she would see Squall coughing 'Plan B'. She thought back to how astounded she was when she had first heard Squall's plan just the other day. Selphie had gaped at him, having a hard time believing that the man talking with her was Squall. After all, this man was agreeing to blackmail a close friend and exploit Selphie in his plan. In her bewilderment, she had agreed to the plan but now she was having doubts.

" Will you excuse me for a moment?" She asked Seifer. Without waiting for a response, she speed walked to where Squall was and whispered to him, " I can't do it."

" You can and you will," He responded without hesitation.

" But--"

A rough push, effortless for the giver but painful for the receiver, sent Selphie crashing into Seifer. Before deciding to have enough courage to see how angered Seifer was, Selphie cast Squall a hateful look and vowed to get back at him. Who did he think he was, anyway? She liked it much more better when he would barely talk -damn Rinoa.

But never mind that, she still had her plan to follow. Now if only she could remember the words to go with it...

" Watch where you're going!" Seifer snapped, backing away from Selphie and brushing himself off as if he had touched filth. He always did have such a high opinion of himself. " I came over here to tell you both that I'm splitting. This has been a wonderful waste of time."

" I'm the other Battle Tech. Instructor," Selphie blurted out in attempt to keep him in the room. It worked; Seifer paused at the door and seemed to hesitate for a moment until he turned fully around and walked to where Selphie was at the front of the room.

" Yeah, I was distained to hear that," Seifer said, leaning against the desk that used to belong to Quistis; the same desk that they were...Selphie did not even want to think about it. " So what does this have to do with anything?"

" Nothing, I just thought that maybe we could meet up at times and discuss...battle techniques..." Selphie took a few steps towards Seifer and placed her hand on his chest, casting him a seductive glance. He countered her by walking away and standing near Quistis, who had taken her position by the door of the classroom.

Selphie frowned and Squall shrugged. This was not going to plan. The unfortunate thing was that Seifer could easily shrug off a girl he had no interest in, and from the expression on Quistis' face, --the blush was gone and now replaced by amusement-- she couldn't care less that the small girl was placing moves on the blonde.

Selphie smiled, she could always produce a genuine smile, and skipped to where Squall was standing, near the back of the classroom.

" This isn't working," She whispered, casting frantic glances in Quistis and Seifer's direction. They weren't even looking at one another and appeared as if they wanted to leave. " Maybe they weren't the people we saw in here yesterday..."

" They are," Squall said, his voice still carrying on with the same flat note. " Just lay it on more thick."

" More thick? I have a boyfriend, you know."

" Just do it."

Selphie sighed and told herself that it would be like a game; if Seifer and/or Quistis breaks, then she wins. She always liked winning.

" Selphie, I was supposed to meet Irvine a few minutes ago. I believe I'll be leaving now," Quistis called from the other side of the room.

" No! Uh...Chocobos!" She had to stop blurting out things that made no sense or had no apparent purpose.

" What?"

Now both Seifer and Quistis were staring at Selphie as if she had a few screws loose or had been hit by 'Confuse'. Selphie loved attention (who wouldn't) but not this kind. If she didn't execute the plan now, the two of them would leave and spread around that Selphie was insane. She quickly thought back to what Squall was saying. He had seemed so sure of himself, but she was still angered about the way he had treated her. When she looked behind her shoulder at him, he was drinking what looked like the new brand of pop, 'Choco-Cola'.

_Where did he get that from?_

Well, disregarding that, Seifer was right in front of her. He had thrown off all of her passes, and Squall had said for her to lay it on more thick. What defined 'More thick?' Like, peanut butter thick or gum? That caused her to remember the time when they were in the Orphanage, Zell had put gum in her hair and Matron used practically everything in the house -edible, of course- to try to get it out. In the end her hair had to be cut, and after, she actually liked the new style. 

Now she wondered how long she had been lost in thought; perhaps there was still enough time to stall a bit longer. But no, she could hear Squall give a sigh that indicated 'Do it now, I'm becoming bored.' 

_Lay it on more thick, huh?_

So she grabbed Seifer around the neck and pulled his head down, meeting his lips in a hard and passionate kiss.

***

(a/n: Woo-hoo! Never saw that coming, did you? Well, if you did, good for you! Oh, I can't wait until chapter three...I mean, if the author is dancing about it, it has _got_ to be good. Review now and get a free Moogle sent to you in the mail courtesy of my brother! Some charges apply, no substitutions, exchanges, or refunds. So if you get a goldfish, or a Adelbert Steiner [FFIX] doll, don't come crying to me! )


	3. Double Crossing Geezard!

(a/n: Thanks to the small *major frown* amount of people who reviewed. Oh well, I shouldn't complain. Smile, ppls, smile! ^_^ ! It's chapter three!)

Chapter Three: Double Crossing Geezard!

Squall spewed out his beverage and began to cough while Quistis cried out in shock. When Selphie pulled away from the well built blonde, she could tell that he wanted to smile but knew that he wouldn't, not in front of them at least. He actually was a good kisser, but that wasn't Selphie's concern right now; it was to see her dear former instructor's reaction.

Selphie nearly screamed when she saw the expression on Quistis's face; she had never seen the woman so mad before, of course if you exempt the day when Zell was going through Quistis's things and had accidentally dropped Antidote on Quistis's brand new Gucci boots. The medicine did not like the leather incidentally and had eaten a hole right through it.

" Run, Messenger Girl."

Okay, now she was very scared. Seifer was actually telling her to go save herself. Quistis had pulled out her Save the Queen and was stroking it menacingly.

" Selphie...did I just see you kiss Seifer?" She asked in her overly nice voice. That voice was bad news.

" Uhh...maybe..."

" And why did you do it?" She was getting closer and the room to back up was diminishing.

" I...well...I do have a good reason for kissing Seifer..." Wait a second. Selphie's whole purpose to kiss Seifer was to prove that Quistis and Seifer were involved with one another. Now that Quistis was threatening her, she had the evidence she needed. " So you guys are together!" She cried out. " I mean, why else do you want to kill me and why else is Seifer not surprised?"

" Oh, very clever," Quistis retorted, still keeping a firm grip on her whip. " You know that Seifer and I are together. But you still have no proof...unless you count your corpse."

" Not exactly."

The women turned to their left to see Squall holding up a mini-cassette player. He tapped the side with his finger and smiled...yes, smiled.

" I've got everything on tape," He said. He pressed down on the play button and out came Quistis and Seifer's doom.

_ " So you guys are together! I mean, why else do you want to kill me and why else is Seifer not surprised?"_

" Oh, very clever, you know that Seifer and I are together. But you still have no proof...unless you count your corpse."

Seifer groaned and Quistis dropped her weapon in shock.

" That's right," Squall continued. " We have all the evidence we need right here."

" Wha...what do you plan to do with that?" Quistis asked.

" Whatever is necessary."

Quistis was pulled to the side by her partner, who began to talk to her furiously. After a few moments of discussion, Seifer walked up to Squall.

" Name your price."

" Both of you are to do whatever I order you to do until...well, the end of time."

" Absolutely not!" Quistis shouted. " Who do you think you are, blackmailing us like this?"

" Okay, you don't seem to be happy about this." Squall paused for a moment, and then snapped his fingers. " You will be on chore duty."

Quistis growled and cast Squall an even more evil look then the one she gave Selphie. 

"Seifer, you will give me half of your Instructor salary and will randomly make a fool out of yourself whenever asked."

Seifer wished that he had his Hyperion with him; then he would give Squall another scar to match the one he already had. Perhaps even make a delightful 'X' between his eyes and watch as insects dug for their treasure. But they both knew that Squall had the upper hand in this case. They would, in fact, do anything to keep their relationship a secret; if found out, Garden cadets would make a huge fuss over it, after all it was the former Instructor with her former student. Who knew, perhaps the Trepies would come and hunt down Seifer.

Seifer spoke for both of them when he folded and hissed, "Fine."

" We did it!" Selphie squealed, running up to Squall to hug him. But before she could clamp her arms around him, he held out his hand like a stop sign.

" Don't be so excited, Selph. You see the thing is, I've also gotten you kissing Seifer on tape, and I'm sure that's something Irvine would not want to be hearing."

" But you can't hear a kiss!" Selphie protested.

" Oh no?" Squall punched his forefinger onto the rewind button and then, with surprising accuracy regarding time, pressed play.

_" Run, Messenger Girl."_

" Selphie...did I just see you kiss Seifer?" 

" Uhh...maybe..."

" And why did you do it?" 

_" I...well...I do have a good reason for kissing Seifer..."_

He stopped the cassette and then smiled again. Some would say that Squall's smile was the most frightening thing they had ever seen. Selphie from that moment on would become one of them.

" So Selphie, I guess that you'll be handing me over one-quarter of your SeeD salary and will be carrying my things on missions, not to mention writing my annual reports for Cid, after all, you kicked me yesterday."

Sure she had kicked Squall, but she always mistreated and abused people. It was her nature! She still couldn't believe that Squall was doing this to her and the only four words could describe how she felt towards him.

" You double crossing Geezard!"

*&*

(a/n: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Have a lollipop from last Halloween! Very, very, very, short chapter, I know! Don't hurt me! *dodges angry readers throwing forks at her* Well, I had to end this chapter at an appropriate spot! Didn't I tell you guys that this chapter would be good? And I resent anyone calling Squall OOC in this chappy! He is human after all, and I'm sure that there has to be a point in his life where he does something eccentric. Squall also thinks about himself too much, so that tied in nicely with him blackmailing everyone, don't you think? Review now and find in your mailbox a flyer that has nothing to do with this fic or FFVIII *prolly from Safeway ^_^ ! * ) 

*&*

*a/n: Mini Commercial to make up for the shortness of this chapter.*

__

Scene: Seifer has *finally* become a SeeD cadet. He's going to the stage to accept his certificate of completion of training and shakes hands with Cid, Xu, Instructor Aki and Instructor Trepe.

Cid: It took you five years, but you've finally done it.

Seifer: .......*shakes his hand*

Xu: I'm proud of you Seifer. You've finally done it.

Seifer: .......*looks her over and shakes her hand*

Instructor Aki: I don't know who you are, but you've finally done it.

Seifer: ........*frowns, but shakes his hand*

Quistis: Congratulations Seifer. You've finally done it.

Seifer: ....... *grabs Quistis and kisses her. Her hair comes out of its clip and her glasses disappear. Seifer then places a chip in her mouth and walks away.*

Strange Voice: SeeDoritos . They'll make you kiss Instructor Trepe and if you give her one, she won't hurt you.

(a/n: Uhh...don't ask. I just saw the commercial and I was like, 'Wow, that reminds me of Quistis and Seifer!'. And that guy in the commercial is kinda cute...^_^...Again, don't ask.)

(a/n: Ahh! I'm in love with Arjun Rampal! Ahh! That's just so wrong! Ahh! He's a Hindi actor, just in case you're wondering ^_^ . Thanks to my reviewers! You guys are so sweet! Like candy! Speaking of candy...uhm...I'll be right back *runz out of the room and the sound of a car pulling out is heard* )


	4. Burning an Ace

(a/n: *gushes* Thanx for all of the reviews! Hugs for all!)

Chapter Four: Burning an Ace

Quistis continued to scrub the floor, muttering curses on Squall while Selphie was typing up the plan for his Timber mission, meant to be handed in to Cid by 23.00. Seifer was probably out making a fool out of himself; Squall had just recently volunteered Seifer to help out with Balamb's Spring Festival, giving him the job of being the stuffed cat ' Bobo' that all of the kids loved. 

" Hey."

The slaves looked up from their computer and floor to see Rinoa standing in the doorway. She was wearing the most beautiful blue sundress and had her hair piled up on the top of her head. " What are you guys doing?"

" Just...helping out..." Selphie said, forcing a smile onto her face.

" Oh, well, you guys better stop. It's time to have fun!"

Fun...they hadn't heard that word for the last week. It was foreign, odd sounding and hurt their ears. Rinoa was perplexed over the expression on the girls' faces but she continued, deciding to add more bounce and cheeriness into her voice. Maybe then they wouldn't look so forlorn.

" We were supposed to go to the fair together! Remember that Irvine is your date Selphie and Zell volunteered to take you, Quisty."

Selphie groaned and Quistis moaned. They had planned to go to the festival a month ago; it was the only highlight in their military filled lives. Now they had to miss it thanks to the evil geezard they called 'Squall'. Quistis sent her apologies to Rinoa, who couldn't believe that they would rather clean and type than go and have fun at the festival. After she had left, Quistis began to rant about how much she hated Squall and Selphie whole-heartedly joined in.

" He's so full of himself!"

" That evil backstabbing geezard!"

" Becoming Commander in just five seconds!"

" Having good looks!"

" Telling me to go talk to a wall!"

" Well his personality is like a wall!"

" No, a wall is livelier then he is!"

" I knew to be weary of the quiet ones!"

" Having his father as the President of Esthar."

" Stupid bastard."

Once they had spilled out their hateful comments, they sadly went back to work.

*&*

" Bobo!" The little girl squealed, holding a death grip on Seifer's leg. Even through the fur he could feel her little fingers digging into his skin. A boy behind his began to pull on his tail while another child was stomping on his foot.

" I want candy!" The foot crusher was crying out. " Caaaandy!"

" Yeah kid, I'll give you candy, just get off of my foot!" Seifer shouted. The boy looked up and began to cry.

" Bobo is meeean!"

This was going just great. He was wearing a giant cat costume, representing Bobo, the star of the famous children's show 'Bobo the Cat Loves You!'. The costume was causing him to sweat half to death due to the ridiculous spring heat wave overtaking the continent, but despite his discomfort, there was no way he was going to take the cat head off and reveal himself.

Deciding to avert his attention and ears away from the screaming children, Seifer scanned the fair grounds. There were couples from Garden and residents of Balamb and in the far corner near the fairis wheel -Squall and Rinoa. Squall waved at Seifer and smiled (Hyne, that man should be forbidden to smile). He then whispered something to Rinoa and pointed in Seifer's direction. The girl's eyes lit up and she gave a big grin.

_Oh no, she wouldn't..._

But Seifer had forgotten that this was Rinoa Heartilly.

" Hi Seifer!" She called out from half across the fair grounds. Her lungs must have had a huge capacity, for everyone stopped talking and looked in the giant cat's direction. All was silent until the little boy who was crying sniffed and said,

" Will yoo sing the Bobo song?"

His eyes were so wide and pleading. Normally Seifer would have told the child to shove it, but thanks to Rinoa's outburst, everyone on the fair ground was watching him expectantly. 

" Yes Seifer. Do sing the Bobo song," Squall said, his expression serious as ever. " Dance as well, I'm sure that the kids would like it."

The children giggled and nodded their head, gazing at Seifer with those stupid doe eyes. Seifer muttered a curse and then cleared his throat.

" Yo yo,

I'm Bobo,

And I'm singing this song for you.

I'm a cat,

Who loves funny hats.

And guess what?

I love you too."

Another dead silence passed over the fair ground until Squall began to laugh. In all of his life, he had never head Squall Leonhart laugh before, and it resembled the cackle of a witch. In a few moments the entire fair ground was roaring, including the children, and Seifer vowed at moment to make Squall pay dearly. No one made fun of Seifer Almasy and got away with it.

*&*

" He's dead," Selphie hissed between gritted teeth. Seifer and Quistis backed away a bit from her for they were certain steam was coming out of her ears. She had just come back from giving Squall the report she spent six days on, and he had rejected it. Quistis wasn't very happy either; her hands were sore from washing Squall's floor and then he had the nerve to walk into his room with muddied boots. 

" Well, this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you," Quistis muttered under her breath.

" What is that supposed to mean?" The younger girl snapped. Quistis sighed in return and gave Selphie a cold glare.

" You must have suggested to Squall the idea of blackmailing us. He wouldn't have thought it up on his own," Quistis said. " He's not crafty enough."

" I'm sorry, but wouldn't you have done the same thing in my place?" Selphie asked, throwing her hands above her head as she continued to walk in her pointless circles.

" No, I would have given them their privacy and dignity like a mature person would have done."

" I wonder if a mature person can kick your ass as well as I'm going to?"

" Will you both shut up?" Seifer shouted, sick of hearing their pointless bickering. It was like nails grazing a chalk board, each note high and off pitch, sending shivers down his spine and making his insides turn. How he hated women fighting. " At least Selphie has learned her lesson. And we can't change what has happened. Let's just kill Squall and get it over with."

" How about the Chinese water torture?" Selphie suggested, liking how Seifer was choosing to handle the situation. " Or we could blow him up."

" No death, no violence, no water and no bombs!" Quistis said, her voice exasperated. It was like having to teach the junior class men all over again, except these two lacked more brain cells.

" What then, Instructor?" Seifer asked, his voice mocking as it had always been. " Let him take advantage of us? I'm sure you'd like that."

" Excuse me?" She was about to stand up but Selphie gently pushed her back down on her couch.

" Stop fighting," She said, frowning. " I'm ashamed of both of you! But, while we're on the subject of ,well, you two, how about you guys tell me how you hooked up?"

" Selphie, this is _not_ the time."

" Pleeeease?"

" Quistis can't resist me, she gave into her urges, and bam, here we are," Seifer summarized, winking at Quistis and grinning. She growled at him and Selphie sighed. Men were so conceited.

" Never mind," Selphie said, dismissing the topic. " Let's go back to how we're going to get back at Squall." 

" I have a proposition," Quistis offered, leaning back on the couch in her dorm room. " Why don't we beat Squall at his own game?"

" What, you mean blackmail the rat bastard?" Seifer asked, an evil grin swallowing his face. " Keep talking."

Quistis matched his excitement and leaned forward, as did the other two.

" Incriminating evidence is needed...something that Squall would do anything to keep out of the hands of others."

" ...But Squall has no personality. He wouldn't ever do something the least bit interesting..." Selphie said, frowning. " I still think we should beat him up and leave him in the compost."

" What did I tell you about violence?" Quistis scolded, not liking the new glint that over took Seifer's eyes. " How about someone watches over his actions, finding out his weaknesses."

" I know that he's ugly, has no personality, is probably not human, was not raised with human beings, has never kissed a girl since Rinoa doesn't count as a female, has the hots for Chicken wuss, is a--"

" No, no, no!" Quistis cried out, grasping her head. " Seifer, those aren't the weaknesses I'm talking about, and I doubt that any of them are true."

" Oh, then I guess we're screwed. The guy has no weaknesses."

" Yeah, he's perfect," Selphie said, shaking her head vigorously. She reached into her bag and pulled out a small pocket book and shook it as she spoke to add empathises to her words. " It says in here that Squall is a Virgo, which means that he's a perfectionist. No weaknesses whatsoever. Oh, I'm a Cancer! It says that I'm overly emotional. I am not! This book is stupid!" She tossed the book out of the window and began to cry about how she would never find true love.

" Be realistic, he's human after all," Quistis said, although in her own mind she somewhat agreed with the other two. When they were in the orphanage together, Squall was the only one who managed to keep his room clean, eat all of his vegetables and maintain all of his toys in perfect state. In Garden, he was a straight A student, the top of her class who never made a mistake. Never. 

Quistis moaned and stretched out on her couch, wishing that she could go to sleep and everything would be put behind her. There was no hope, she was doomed to be at the mercy of someone like Squall. Well, it could always have been worse -Irvine could have found Seifer and her making out.

" Listen Quistis, maybe there is a chance we could catch Squall doing something that we can use against him," Seifer said, also hating it when women were depressed. " Selphie, go place a video camera in Squall's dorm room under his bed. Every five hours we'll go an place a new tape in and watch the old ones to see what he does."

While Selphie grumbled and stalked off to retrieve her video camera and carry out Seifer's orders, Quistis got up and loosely placed her arms around Seifer's neck.

" That was a great idea," She said and kissed him.

" I know."

So conceited.

*&*

Selphie yawned as she popped the tape into her VCR and struggled to find the play button. It was so late at night, she had spent her entire day typing out the new SeeD Exam that raised levels of SeeD cadets. Of course Squall would receive all of the recognition. Cid has gushed to her about how wonderful _Squall's _layout of the Timber mission was and she had to control herself from screaming and telling him that it was her layout, that she should have been the one being praised.

You'll get your revenge, she told herself.

But it was sure taking a lot of effort. Every five hours she had to sneak away from the library where she was working and walk all the way to the dorms and into Squall's room to change the tapes. Luckily, since she was so small she was unnoticeable so no one suspected her in the least of any wrong doings and if Squall was in the room, she would simply pretend to 'drop' the papers she was holding and 'rearrange' them while kneeling on the floor a.k.a. replacing the tapes, That was probably why Seifer assigned her the job. That part was easy enough, but watching the tapes were so boring that she almost fell asleep at some parts. 

In a sense she deserved it. It had been her genius idea to blackmail her friends and in the end, it had all backfired on her. Poetic justice. Well, Squall would get his as well.

On the black and white screen she watched Squall enter his room, leave his room, enter his room, look at his gunblade, leave his room, enter his room, change (one of the more interesting parts), leave his room, then Quistis entered, scrubbed the floor, poured itching powder over Squall's bed, left and so forth. Selphie was beginning to doze off when her phone began to ring shrilly. She fumbled for it and held it upside down for a few moments before changing it right side up.

" H-hello?"

" Selphie, did you find anything?" Quistis asked from the other line.

" No...not yet. But I do know that Squall has wonderfully chiselled abs. Man, even though he's blackmailing us and all, he is Hyne damn hot!"

" Selphie..."

" Sorry. I'm tired, I tend to ramble off crazy things. I'll call when I see something important."

" Alright...hey, did you see the--"

" Yeah." She knew that Quistis was referring to the itching powder. " Great job."

" Thanks. You should have seen him in the Quad after he had his nap." She hung up and Selphie went reluctantly back to watching the tapes. After two hours, Squall had returned to his room and was digging through his closet. He pulled out a CD player and popped in a disc. Then he took off his jacket and pulled on a tight black button down shirt. That was weird enough, but what he did next caused Selphie to scream and fall off of her chair.

*&*

(a/n: Bwahahaha, I love cliff hangers, don't you? And hey, I have a lil' treat for all of you guys! It's a pic of Squall from 'Kingdom Hearts' and he's 25 years old! My gosh, is he hot! He looks like Laguna kinda. Well, like father like son, right? Check it out! Hee, this is just for all the nice reviews! )

Big pic illustrated of Squall *hee, he still has the belts-but more this time! Can you say, total hottie?*- "http://64.4.20.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=361d20c774bf8105d3b97f3fcd8c7f95&lat=1020537264&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2eallrpg%2ecom%2fgames%2fkingdomhearts%2findex%2ephp3%3fi%3d4%26amp%3bpage%3dartwork%26amp%3btype%3d1%26amp%3bu%3d1%26amp%3btotalimages%3d40"

Screen Shot 1- "http://64.4.20.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=ca10b50b1f01bd2326747014b83340ae&lat=1020537264&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2erpgamer%2ecom%2fgames%2fother%2fps2%2fkinghearts%2fscreens%2fkh038%2ejpg"

Screen Shot 2-"http://64.4.20.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=cb7a130d1322738c86c33da35f1ffd80&lat=1020537264&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2erpgamer%2ecom%2fgames%2fother%2fps2%2fkinghearts%2fscreens%2fkh013%2ejpg"

Squall with Yuffie *she's his 16 year old partner- yes, I AM jealous!* - "http://64.4.20.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=efcb1eefc7ed80405dfedb311ea7dd2a&lat=1020537264&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2eallrpg%2ecom%2fgames%2fkingdomhearts%2findex%2ephp3%3fi%3d28%26amp%3bpage%3dartwork%26amp%3btype%3d1%26amp%3bu%3d2%26amp%3btotalimages%3d40"

Okay, so yeah. If you guys don't know much about the game, it's a Disney/Square collaboration. Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie are also in it...but they're only 13 years old. *sweatdrops* Anyway, it's an everyone game, so yay for the kiddies! Go here for more info *points to the URL underneath*. There's a small summary for Squall's character too, so double yay!

"http://64.4.20.250/cgi-bin/linkrd?_lang=EN&lah=be1266dee81ab7686a75552588392df4&lat=1020537264&hm___action=http%3a%2f%2fwww%2epsxnation%2ecom%2fpreviews%2fpreviews%3fidnumber%3d128"

Major thanks to my best friend Nas for getting these URL's for me. Hey, if you weren't in OSA on Friday, you probably never would have found those hot pics of Squall from KH!!!!! j/k!!!!!!!! ^_^


	5. Checkmate

*&*

(a/n: I waaaant candy! *bum badum bum bum bum bum* I waaaant candy! *bum badum bum bum bum bum* Wait a sec, I have candy! I haaaaaave candy! *bum badum bum bum bum bum* Thaaaanks for your reviews! *bum badum bum bum bum bum* Squaaaaall has funky shoes!*bum badum bum bum bum bum* Did I mention this is the ending? *bum badum bum bum bum bum* )

*&*

Chapter Five: Checkmate

" Oh my Hyne!" Selphie screeched, quickly getting off of the floor. She didn't even bother removing the pudding in her hair (an omen that she should clean her room) as she leaned on her desk and punched rewind on her VCR. Yes, she had not been hallucinating. Right in front of her eyes was one of the most disturbing scenes she ever had to witness. 

Squall went straight from his CD player to looking around suspiciously. He played a popular Esthar hit at full blast, then ran up to his door and locked it. Once more he directed guarded looks across his room (if only he had known _where_ to look) then he backed slowly to where his gunblade case was. He knelt down and opened the case and -yes, it was true!- pulled out what looked like Rinoa's blue sweater-like over coat. Casually he pulled it on, following with the blue cut off sleeves.

And with that, he began to dance. It was quite disturbing, especially since due to the thinness of the material which showed off every curve of Squall's muscles.

Selphie knew that what was on the tape was gold, pure gold. It was so precious she was afraid to lay her perfectly manicured fingers adorned with sparkly nail polish on it -

_What do I do, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO?????????????_

- And she was also afraid about what to do with the cassette. She bit her bottom lip and sat down slowly on her bed. She hated thinking -it involved work, which was _very_ despicable. In fact whenever she started to think, that made her hungry, and then sleepy and then she would end up crying. 

" I want some pudding!" She whined to no one in particular, then stomped her foot. After she retrieved a cup of the dessert, she wondered about the cassette once more. One question bothering her was how Squall managed to get Rinoa's clothes. Then again, she was rich, so she probably had an entire wardrobe filled with the same outfit. After all, they barely, if ever, wore anything different.

Now concerning what to do with the tape, she was flabbergasted. If she didn't think of something soon, she would begin to chew at her nails, which would take months to grow back. So she decided to take desperate measure and called forth the voices in her head.

**_Selph, you already know the answer..._**

She recognised that voice. It was the once that suggested her to blackmail Quistis and Seifer. 

" Blackmail Squall, Seifer and Quistis?" She asked. 

**_Hell yeah._**

Well, it seemed like the logical idea. Then again, Squall still kept in his possession the incriminating audio cassette. She was as screwed over as the rest of them were. Then again, she could always...

_Selphie, haven't you learned your lesson?_

Ugh. She knew _that_ voice as well. The high pitched, sweet angelic voice of what she assumed was that little bit of conscience she had.

" Well...you have a point..."

_Exactly. I suggest that you talk to Squall about the tape and ask him for an exchange._

" Hey, you're pretty smart!"

_I know. And since we're on that subject...maybe you should stop cheating on exams and depend on me--_

" Don't push it."

" Who are you talking to?"

Now that was a new voice. It took her a couple of seconds before she realized that Quistis was behind her. Selphie turned around and gave an innocent smile.

" Uhm...you?"

Quistis furrowed her brows.

" You were telling me not to push something?"

" The door. It's broken," Selphie said, walking to her door and pushing the button. The door slid cleanly to the side, and then closed once more. " Oh, I guess you fixed it!"

" Uh huh. Anyway, I should explain why I'm here," Quistis said, walking slowly further into Selphie's room. " I just thought that it would be amusing to watch Squall's face after he discovered the itching powder. May I view the tape?"

In response, Selphie frowned and crossed her arms. This day was draining all of her brain cells for she knew that something was off about the way that Quistis asked to watch the tape. After all, she had burst into Selphie's room, called exactly before Selphie had watched the horrendous part on the cassette and was eager to see Squall scratch himself. It was almost as if Quistis didn't trust Selphie or...

She knew. 

Quistis knew that Selphie had found something -now questions remaining were of how she had found out and how Selphie would deploy her. 

" Quistis, how about we go and find Squall instead?" She suggested, hoping that this idea would appeal to Quistis more. It was a known fact that Quistis was hung over Squall. She had been ever since they were children. Well, Selphie didn't blame her. Squall was _really_ hot (for a lone wolf who despised anything happy and attempted to push out all happiness in his life for Hyne knows what reason...) and that also made her wonder about why he wanted everyone to stay away from him. She would expect him to be at the least conceited. 

" Find Squall?"

" And spy on him! We can catch him in the act!"

" But Selphie...there will be no evidence..."

" ........"

_Think Timlett, think!_

**Noooo-- you should smack her with a dictionary! That way, she'll pass out and you'll have enough time to run and blackmail all three of their sorry asses!**

Why should she use a dictionary? She has Nunchaku. They should be more effective.

**Since when are you on my side?**

I'm not. It's just that Selphie doesn't even have a dictionary in her room or her Nunchaku. I think I remember that a chocobo flew in her room and ran off with it.

**What the hell...?**

" Is this the movie?"

" Gaaaaaaaaahhh!" 

Selphie darted towards her VCR and shielded it with her body just before Quistis had the opportunity to press the 'play' button. Quistis frowned and folded her arms as she began to tap her toe impatiently.

" Why won't you let me see the tape?"

" Uh...uhm..." Selphie felt that any moment her heart would burst through her chest and probably out the window from the rate that it was beating at. She had to think of something and fast. That way, everything would be over. " ...It's porn."

" Porn?"

" Mhmm!" Selphie gave a wide grin and decided to continue so Quistis wouldn't become suspicious. " I love porn, after all, I have a boyfriend like Irvine. I watch it all the time! And I know how much you hate watching porn , so I decided to stop you before you became scarred!"

Quistis studied Selphie for a minute before smiling herself.

" On the contrary Selphie, I actually enjoy porn."

Selphie's face fell.

" In fact, I'm in the mood for it right now."

" You're kidding..."

" Just let me see the tape."

Groaning, Selphie realized that Quistis was too sharp to fool and she might as well let her see the tape. Besides, if she would have given the tape to Squall without Quistis and Seifer knowing, then the whole blackmailing incident would just continue to go around and around and around and around and...she was dizzy.

Selphie moved aside and gestured for Quistis to turn on the cassette. After viewing it, Quistis sat with a blank expression on her face, as if she couldn't believe what she had seen. Then the dazed look was gradually replaced with a grin and finally, Quistis was keeled over in laughter.

" Squall...cross dressing...Yes...use...this..!" She gasped, attempting to make the pain leave her sides. Once she had gained control of herself, she ejected the tape and held it carefully in her hands.

" Selphie, this tape holds our freedom!" She exclaimed, her eyes glittering and wide. " All we have to do is tell Squall what we know and how we came to know it. Then he'll drop the blackmail threats and we can pretend this never happened!"

" Okay...good enough..." Selphie mumbled, a bit upset that she wouldn't receive anything in return other than her freedom. All that time (in which in reality there really wasn't very much) down the drain.

She sighed.

*&*

They had arranged to meet Squall in the Quad where the exchange of the tapes would take place. Squall had been mortified that the two women had discovered one of his favourite past times, so he more than gladly agreed to the plan. He would become ruined if anyone found out what he really was like, and it had been so tedious to maintain his 'lone wolf/cool' reputation. Besides, the girls liked how distant he was.

He walked faster toward the Quad, glad that it was the last day of the Spring Festival. That way, no one would be in the Quad since they would rather be watching the fireworks and having a great time on the fair grounds. Squall, on the other hand, hated fun.

Once in the spacious room, he ran down the stairs but failed to notice Quistis, who was also not paying any attention to what (who) was behind her. As gravity had it, the two of them tumbled down the marble stairs quite painfully and ended on a heap at the bottom.

" ...Nice entrance..." Quistis remarked, holding onto the side of her head. 

" Sorry," He mumbled back. Suddenly, they could hear snickering behind them and they turned their sore necks to see Selphie steadying herself on Seifer while they both were, sadly, attempting to hide their mirth.

" Okay, playtime's over!" Quistis hissed. She leapt up and kicked Squall who was conveniently still on the floor. " Give us the tape -_now."_

Squall scrambled up and grabbed Quistis's arm then dragged her to the side.

" Quis, how about the two of us forget about this...maybe over dinner?"

" What the hell?! No!" Quistis shouted, appalled that Squall would go to such lengths. For a moment she felt that it would have been better if they just showed the tape to the entire school body but then again...she also had a reputation to maintain.

"Listen Leonhart, you just give me the tape and I shall do the same," Quistis said slowly, her eyes travelling quickly from the object in Squall's leather clad hand to his steel eyes. Their eyes locked for a moment but Selphie broke their gaze by running up to the two of them, appearing fed up with their antics.

"Just give him the tape!" She shouted. "And that goes for you too, Squall!"

When they both hesitated, Selphie knew exactly what to do to get them going. She motioned for them to come closer to her and in a low voice, she informed the both of them that Seifer had not seen the tape as of yet...but he was beginning to become curious. Squall immediately handed Selphie the tape but Quistis still kept a firm grip on hers.

" I'll have no losses after showing Seifer the tape," She said, a smirk gracing her lips. She lifted the tape and glanced at Seifer who was standing on the second floor of the stairs. He certainly did look intrigued.

" Ah, but Quistis, if he sees Squall doing...you know...he'll never let _you_ live it down!" Selphie said. " Remember, you had a crush on Squall!"

" I absolutely did not!" Quistis protested but the redness in her cheeks falsified her words. 

" Oh, don't you lie to me!" Selphie shouted.

In the midst of the women fighting, Squall decided to take advantage of the situation. Quickly, he reached out and pulled the audio cassette from Selphie's hand and began to run out of the Quad.

" He's getting away!" Quistis cried out. 

Seifer instantly darted to the direction that Squall was heading and tackled the younger man. Once again, Squall tumbled down the stairs but this time, the tape escaped his grasp and skidded across the floor. Selphie began to run towards it but Squall grabbed her by her boot and she fell flat onto her face. Seifer seemed to have become dazed by the fall because he was wobbling once he had gotten up. Deciding the less of them, the better, Squall jumped up despite the numbness in his legs and punched Seifer in the stomach. The blond man staggered before falling neatly on top of Selphie, thus making escape for her nearly impossible.

The tape was in front of him now. Only a few steps and he would have it. But then he remembered about Quistis and the other tape. The one with him and his...past time. She smirked, quite like Seifer, and waved the video cassette mockingly. 

" Quistis, let's just call this even," Squall said, nervously looking from the tape on the floor to the one in her hand. " It's clear that you have the upper hand in this situation but, there comes a day when the right thing must be done."

A flicker of doubt was revealed in Quistis's eyes and she took a step back, not knowing what to do. Behind Squall was an entangled Selphie and Seifer, both of them looking at her expectantly. What would they have done? The answer was simple: resort to violence. 

She sighed and took a long look at the black tape. Truth be told, she wouldn't want people to be viewing it. Such a terrible violation on someone's privacy, and she doubted that Squall would have revealed her relationship with Seifer anyway. Well then, there was only one thing to do. Yet before she could extend the tape to Squall, he went running towards the tape on the floor.

Quistis was always a better runner than Squall yet he had obviously been working out for they both reached the small tape at the same time. It was quite difficult to attempt to snatch the tape out of Squall's hands while holding onto the other. After a few more minutes of struggling, Quistis became fed up. She grabbed Squall by the collar and shoved him up onto the marble wall that surrounded the Quad.

" Give me the tape," She growled, and to add emphasis to her words, gave him a little shake by where she was gripping him. But Squall wasn't at all intimidated by her. She had left the video cassette on the nearby ledge and from what he could see, it was sliding slowly towards the ocean where the Garden was parked.

" You know Quistis," Squall said slowly, his eyes directed on the falling cassette. " Sometimes I think you managed to get the job of an Instructor at such a young age because you slept with Headmaster Cid."

" What?!" Although she was appalled by what Squall had said to her, she couldn't help but to think of how strange it was to hear something like that from him. Nevertheless, she still shoved him harshly into the wall. But instead on wincing, a grin spread onto Squall's face, making him appear insane. 

" Why are you smiling like that?" Quistis asked apprehensively. 

" Because what you had on me is gone." He cocked his head toward their right where Quistis could see the tape rocking back and forth on the very tip of the ledge. She instantly let go of Squall but did not manage to reach the tape before it plunged into the ocean.

Squall was smirking as he ran out but he had apparently forgotten about the heap that was Selphie and Seifer. Selphie, despite still being in pain, sprang up and threw her boot at Squall. It ricocheted off of his head and the tape escaped his grasp. The tape flew from his hand to the floor as if in slow motion.

" Nooooo!" 

Squall dived after the cassette but didn't manage to grab the object before it slid underneath Quistis's foot.

" This ends here," She said rather calmly, then sent her heel onto the cassette, smashing it until only small pieces remained strewn across the tiled floor. Squall appeared almost sad but then he checked his watch and left the Quad. Seifer had fallen asleep where he had fallen and the girls simply decided to leave him there.

Selphie and Quistis, on the other hand, were ecstatic. Selphie had raved on for about an hour regarding how cunning Quistis was, and Quistis herself was simply glad that the whole ordeal was over and done with. But something was bothering her, and that was how on the tape she had there was a blue label, yet she was positive that the tape Selphie had shown her that day in the dormitory had a red label.

She shook her head, trying to dispose of all negative thoughts. It was over. Besides, if she continued to worry, she would look like a mess for her date with Seifer tomorrow night. 

***Not So Many Days Later - And No, I DON'T Know When That Is!***

" Don't worry. We'll be out of here soon..." Irvine muttered as he continued to rummage through Selphie's closet. An hour ago, Rinoa had asked to borrow the movie Selphie had made when they had been celebrating Ultimecia's defeat. Irvine, being the kind and ever helpful boyfriend/fiance that he was, offered to retrieve the cassette for Selphie but he never thought that Selphie's closet would be even more disorganized and messy than her room was. 

" Whatever man," Zell responded, leaning back in Selphie's swivel chair and continuing with his half circles. 

" Hey, are these yours?" Irvine asked, pulling out a pair of boxers.

" No."

The both of them stared at one another and then at the boxers. After a few moments of silence, Irvine tossed them over his shoulder and continued to dig through the abyss that was Selphie's closet. It was not like there wasn't random girls bras residing in his closet. Besides, judging from the mould growing on the fabric and the holes, it must have been in there for a while, so there was no need to start fighting with Selphie about it. 

He flung out a few empty pudding cups and finally came across a video cassette with a red label on it.

" I think I found it..." He said, getting up and stretching his legs.

" You _think_?"

" No writing on the label."

After throwing the cassette to Zell, Irvine walked towards the VCR to plug it in. He wanted to see the cassette before he gave it to Selphie, knowing well that Rinoa never returned things for at least a year. Zell threw the cassette back and Irvine slid it into the slot. Then he pressed 'play'.

In first few minutes, both of the men were speechless. They witnessed Squall pulling on his girlfriend's clothing, they witnessed the dancing -there was even a part where Squall had paused and began to put lipstick on. 

__

" What...the...hell?" Irvine managed to utter, watching Squall dance around his dorm to what sounded like pop music. " Is that Squall?"

" ...Are those Rinoa's?" Zell asked, squinting his eyes and leaning forward. " I'm confused and my head hurts..."

They watched for a few moments more until Squall took off his shirt and swung it around in circles. That was when Irvine and Zell both rushed forward to shut off the VCR, but not before smacking their heads onto one another.

" ...So? What should we do about this tape?" Zell asked, bouncing the tape up and down in his hand. Irvine began to pace, not knowing what to do. He was scarred from that tape (Squall in _drag?_) but at the same time amused, almost like he had heard a dirty joke. Hyne, Squall must have been crazy to allow Selphie to tape him doing that, or whoever was holding the camera. Then again, it was taken from a low angle, as if it was on the floor.

Suddenly, he realised something.

" Zell...what do you think Squall would do to keep this tape out of the public's eye?"

And simultaneously, they both faced one another and grinned.

" Anything."

***The End***

The moral of this story is never to blackmail someone, or you'll pay the price. Or if you're like me, then this story has no moral and you can go ahead and blackmail whomever's ass and then laugh --laugh long and hard. ^_^

(a/n: Noooooo!!! The links didn't work! Well, if you go to rpgamer.com you'll be able to find the same pics. Plz review, even just to tell me if you were disturbed by how I portrayed Squall. *grins evilly* Ok, so I had too much time on my hands in summer school! Math is soooo boring!)


End file.
